Dilemma

alright here i am 4 years after Epsilon.... some really huge changes which i don't know if i have accepted or not!

i feel extremely confused if i should do anything now!

i want to know how people cope up with such situations. i have never been so confused in life about life!!!! trust me when i say "those exclamations are not enough" :)

i know and understand that a person has to count his blessings and be thankful for everything he has but like everything else its easier said than done...

All i want to do now is sit back and relax ... raise my kids and look after them until... whatever!

But when i look around, i feel like i am not doing what regular women do .....

But then again i have to tell myself that i am not a regular woman, and trying to live life like somebody else is not fair to myself... i just want to accept myself and my life and be happy with it...

no two lives on the planet is alike.... no two people are alike

nobody can be you and you definitely cannot be somebody else!

every person has his or her own life to lead and every person is doing the best he/she can in their own situations.

i need self-esteem... i need to love myself more... i need to accept that this is what god has given me... i am unique... god made me because he wants me to learn about this life of mine!

god gave me this body... he made me special.... he gave me a beautiful family... 

i just need to love accept myself and be happy.

lord Satya Sai i might not be willing to surrender to you completely obviously because of my rational doubtful mind.... but somewhere deep inside i have this vision of yours and i saw you that day ... i don't even know if it was real it was just a flash or was i hallucinating ??

please give strength to my mind and body to be happy and healthy

i want your blessings more than anything else right now...... 

om sai ram

2015

Yet another year goes by!
Never in life have I valued time the way I do from the last few years.
I don't know if I should see this as a lesson and live my life to the fullest or if I should feel bad that I can't live a normal carefree life like I used to....

This year has been wonderful and not so wonderful too....
I just hope to finish all my responsibilities, you know before time!

A good 3 years later

Its been a very rough ride.... Man, Life really is uncertain!
I wish I could really figure out why things so horrible happen to people :-(
Nonetheless I have decided to move past everything that's happened in these wonderful 3 years... Specially the last wonderful year!
Life goes on and one has to move on whether ready or not!
I want to do all things that I can to be around my kids as long as possible... Give me strength baba so that I can take all this and please be there with us always and protect us
Make me humble and more giving... Bless my family... Keep us together baba always
You are the only truth I believe in...

Om sai ram

Adios Amigo.... Epsilon

"This one's a bummer!!" was my manager's reaction when i told him i want to quit the company...
This has been one of the toughest decisions of my life :(... i had to quit as my home, family life was penalized :(

I have to take care of Vasi n Nia till they started school and later i will retort back to work... 2 yrs from now am hoping

Feeling very sad to have taken this decision, have seen lots of ups and downs
Sri Sai Baba please bless my decision and show me the right path ... i want to be with kids , raise them and be proud of them...

Bolo Sadguru Sri Sainath Maharaj ki Jai :)
Bless everyone... appa amma aaji reesu Vasi and Nia and and me :) oh lord Sai :)

please no babbaaa :(

Amazing it is when i hear these words 'please no babbaa' from Vasishta.... seems like just yesterday when i used to pester amma from going to work :)... has life come a full circle already ? huhhhh....
kids really refresh our childhood memories :)...
can't wait to see more deja-vu moments from Vasishu :)

A visit to home ... sweet home

We got all geared up on 26th Oct Tuesday morning to board the flight to India with our little Robin Hood aka Vasishu... the name is because he's really become a rebel/outlaw these days.... this pre-pre-pre-teenage little rascal is already showing attitude.... sigh!
The journey was smooth... he wasnt fussy but wanted to run around in the plane so appa and amma had to take turns to walk him through the narrow space between the seats...
with very little sleep and horrible food provided by Lufthansa we reached India on 28th Oct Thursday early morning...
It was a busy,packed, wrongly timed weather(read 'rains') but a delightful trip :)
Vasishta was the STAR of the trip as he's the first grand kiddo in both homes and 90% of family was seeing him for the first time!
He had a blast with all attention and pampering he got from everyone :)
We had to come back on the 12th  November, Friday :(
And guess what i have  a Absence from Work meeting with my HR and manager for the 2.5 week vacation! it's a different thing that i had less PTOs' left... but still one needs to be considerate as my work is perfect!
Vasi is having a major jet lag this time and doesnt want to sleep in the nights! well now that explains our situations at work :(
one more week and he'll be all set however he does miss people back home and we feel really sorry for the little guy :(
Overall a very memorable trip!

Life Partner

People who know me very well would be strangely surprised when i told them i watched this hindi movie 'Life Partner'... not that i dont like the commercial hindi films these days... i do watch them but have a strong affinity towards the art cinema... 'Sardari Begum', 'Morning Raaga', 'Raincoat'... well this list can get real long :)

I was working from home yesterday night and was afraid i would  fall asleep... so to keep myself up all night, i randomly chose this movie on netflix...
To begin with i found it like just another hindi commercial comedy... dance,drama,song :)
Most certainly Prachi Desai's character/story is something i really liked... its about knowing how to let go off your kids once they are capable enough to take decisions.... respecting their individuality and personal space/choices!
There are very few parents who have these liberal thoughts... i want to be one of them
Not many of us realize that the more space/respect one's thoughts/deeds are given the more strong the bondage gets!
Its very easy to impose your thoughts/ your way of life  on your family.. HITLER is the term i could think of right now... as the same word has been used in the film too :)
however what you get of these restrictions you impose on people doesnt give you the respect/love you deserve instead you kind of become a scary person to people around you and over a period of time you become intrusive and your own people start hating you...

Please don't be a control freak... if you are one then i strongly feel that underneath all those rules you have a very insecure person :P

"Live and let live".... enjoy every moment you never know if you have a tomorrow :)